


A 21Gun Goodbye

by MissMeggie



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Military
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-14
Updated: 2012-06-14
Packaged: 2017-11-07 18:34:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/434117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMeggie/pseuds/MissMeggie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt Learns that history does in fact repeat its self.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

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Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Fox & Ryan Murphy not me. This is just for fun.

Notes: In this story the Don't ask don't tell law does not exist and gay marriage is legal. Emily is the only thing I own.

AN 2: Not sure I'll continue this considering its my first ever Glee and slash fic. if you want more please tell me!

-/-/-/-

Kurt never thought history would repeat its self but it had. He never thought he would end up with Dave Karofsky of all people but he did. He never thought he'd be an army husband but here he was, staring at a flag draped coffin flinching as Dave was given a twenty on gun goodbye.

To his left sat Rachel to his right sat his daughter Emily Belle Karofsky-Hummel.

"Can I hold your hand Papa?" Kurt almost lost his tightly held control in that moment,

"Yes baby." Kurt took her tiny delicate hand in his her bright purple nail polish reminding him that her four year old innocence would fade away today. She would become a different Emmie today. And now, he's crying for the fortieth time today but not for himself or Dave. They'd made their peace with the dangers of his career choice long ago. No he's been where she's at now and it isn't a fair place.

A solider stood before him. "On behalf of the President Of The United States and a grateful nation we give you this flag." he numbly takes it thinking he'd rather have his husband than some stupid flag.

Friends and Dave's fellow soliders trudge by them. Mercedes touches his shoulder and kisses Emily on the head just before Finn picks her up to carry her off.

Kurt stands and takes a moment alone with Dave. Kissing his finger tips he brushes them to the coffin. "Bye Baby." he's about to turn and leave When Emmie lets out an ear splitting scream. "Let me go! Put me down! Uncle F-Finn!" She sobbed. "He didn't tell me bye." She wails and it breaks Kurt's heart. "Let her go Finn I've got her." He kneels down not at worried about his Armani suit.

He catches the dark haired girl before she can fling herself on to the casket. She may be Dave's child biologically but she inherited his flare for the dramatics. A smile tugged at his lips. Her sniffles are falling into shoulder "He lied Papa."

"I know baby but didn't mean too." he rubs a hand down her back. He picks her up and stands. "He said he wasn't going to die and he did and …and he didn't even say bye."

"He did, I have a letter for you at home." He carries her to the limo. He's not sure what to do next but he can always ask his Dad or Carole. He reminds himself to breathe and keep moving.


	2. Chapter 2

He's not really all that sure how he makes it home or through the tornado of well meaning mourners, in his Fort Bragg home for the reception. He's just kind of numb floating along dying to be alone with his grief. He can't distract himself by reading Emmie her letter. She had cried herself out and fallen asleep on his chest her face nuzzled into neck in the car. He'd laid her down in their bedroom and went on half hearing the condolences he kept accepting.

He was helping clean the kitchen after everyone left.

"Kurt why don't you go shower and relax sweetheart." Carole told him.

"I think I will I'm going to go check in on Emmie first."

"Az, is keeping her company she's fine man." Finn tells him wolfing down a plate of food. He can't even think of eating now. He ignores Finn's comment. He cracks opens the bedroom door and sees Azimio sitting in the chaise lounge at the end of the bed, reading the sports section. The door creaks and he looks up.

"I just thought she shouldn't be alone." he states. "She's all that's left of my best friend." The quiet way he says it reminds Kurt he's not the only one in pain. He nods his assent. Looking over at Emmie he's stunned at what he sees she's laying on her stomach knees drawn up beneath her using Dave's old letterman jacket as a blanket.

"Where'd she get that?"

"Oh Dave's Mama thought she'd like to have it." Kurt tries to hide the irritation on his face. "I tried to tell her not to sleep with it smells like mothballs and all but…" Azimio stops mid sentence when he sees the hurt on Kurt's face. "She does the best she can man…"

"They didn't come to their own child's funeral Azimio." his anger is palpable as he laughs dryly. "I didn't think I'd ever say this Az but I wished the rest of the world was as accepting as you." He finds himself fighting a snicker as he thinks of Azimio's haphazard introduction to Dave's sexual prefernce when he'd walked in on them in a private moment their sophomore year of college.

"That was not funny. Stop it I can feel you laughing."

"Oh come on now it wasn't so bad."

"Can it flamer…" the insult held no sting.

"Love you too Azzie…"

"Yeah Yeah… I'll come get you if she needs you."

-/-/-/-

He undresses in his meticulous way bare feet sinking down in the lush bath rug. He still half expects Dave to pop his head in teasingly to say not even rain man folds his K-mart underwear before tossing them in the wash. He's standing under the steaming water washing when the strangest memory hits him.

They are stepping out of the shower and Kurt ducks his head back in. Dave is in the midst of brushing his teeth when he notices.

"What ya doin fancy?"

"Pushing the button for the shower cleaner."

Dave pauses a perplexed look on his face. "You mean its not a soap dispenser?"

Kurt laughs. "Oh no please tell me you didn't."

"I thought it was a little strong no wonder I itched all day…" Kurt laughs so hard. His eyes are watering.

"Shut up before you wake the Em…" and he's laughing now too loudly hoping no one hears him over the water he stumbles back and sits on the shower ledge and just like that the laughter turns to sobs as he realizes he will never again be able to laugh at Dave's air head tendencies or even have the luxury of brushing his teeth next to him again. With the old rhythm of brush while he spits and vice versa. Its ridiculous how sad it makes him. The sobs rack his whole body and he can't stop shaking.

By the time he's tearless, at least for the next five minutes anyway the water is cold soap partially drying to his skin. He knows he'll itch later and have to apply a bucket full of moisturizer later but he's to tired to care.

Clean, He steps out of the shower dressing in old frayed gray sweats and Dave's favorite Bengalis jersey. Opening the door he sees Rachel on the other side.

"Buggy boo is up. You're Dad's trying to get her to eat something. We thought it might help if you ate too set a good example."

"The only thing I can get her to eat since…is Jell-O and PB and J sandwiches, so I'll give it a try."

He wonders into the living room to find Emily sitting on the couch in his father's lap eating a plate of lasagna. he knows he should get on to her for eating on the couch but has no desire to instead he just says. "Don't let that become a habit Em." and goes to fix himself a plate.

He nibbles half heartedly on lasagna. Rachel tries to draw him into conversation about the latest play they'd seen.

If you'd told him in high school that his biggest rival would become his best friend he'd of laughed you all the way out of Lima. Though, that was what Rachel was even to the point that she'd been the surrogate for Emily.

He was still friends with Mercedes though not as close as life had lead them in different directions. Her to Spellman University in Atlanta and then to Harvard medical school and him to NYU and later to a tiny town just outside Fort Bragg where he teaches history to sixth graders. And surprisingly he likes it.

Mercedes had been accepting of his relationship with Dave but she'd never really gotten or his need to follow Dave to his dreams. Rachel was such a hopeless romantic that their early closeted relationship seemed clandestine and sweet and when Dave finally came out Sophomore year of college she practically began planning their wedding.

He rolls his eyes toward her. "We should take Em to see the color purple when it comes to Chicago." She tells him.

"Yes we should! She'll love it and it'll do me some good to get out. I can't believe I'm moving back to Lima…ugh, just…"

"It'll be ok Kurt just hang in…" His father put in. just hanging in seems to hard .

Carole walked in wiping her hands on a dish towel. Seeing the way Kurt's dressed she sighs. "Don't do that sweetheart, wear his things it'll only make things more difficult…"

"Afraid I'll cry once his smell is gone?" he not to sound as irritated as he is.

" Yes, trust me I've been there." He doesn't really have a come back for that, so he stays silent.

-/-/-/-

Emmie asks to sleep with him so he lets her despite where he might end up being kneed at some point in the night. She cuddles against him in her neon pink footie pajamas smelling of her cotton candy body wash.

"Okay baby ready to read your letter?" Kurt tries to be cheerful as he tucks the covers around them. She nods.

He takes a deep breath and opens the letter Dave's boxy handwriting greeting him.

"Hey Princess if you are reading this letter or if your Papa is reading it to you…" Kurt let out a shallow breath. "It means I broke my promise and didn't come home. I never meant to lie too you baby sometimes life isn't fair no matter how good," Kurt's voice cracked as he tried to hold back his tears. " You are, you did nothing to cause or deserve this accidents just happen. I know you are mad at me and that's okay, when you're older I hope you understand the choices I made."

"How does he know I'm mad I didn't tell nobody. Does heaven make you phycic?"

Despite the tears rolling down his cheeks Kurt laughs, "No I think he just knows his girl, it's the Karofsky in you."

Kurt starts reading again. "There are a few things I need you to know Emily mostly because I didn't always know them myself. You are the best thing about my life and I am so very blessed to have you as my daughter. I want you to always be exactly who you are and do whatever makes you happy in life. The people who matter will back you up and the ones who don't well, they aren't worth the time it takes to be angry with them. Life is short and precious my sweet girl never forget that…" Kurt took another shuddery breath.

"I want you and Papa to be happy and when he's ready to move on know that its okay to like the new guy, I know you love me and always will don't worry about it hurting me alright. And if you are ever picked on for having a gay Daddy or something talk to Aunt Rachel she'll get it and be able to help you. last of all I'm always with you in your heart …when you need me if you are real quiet and still you can feel me and I'm always watching over you! I love you ! Remember its just bye bye for now love Daddy." Kurt looked down to see her tear streaked face snuggled into his side. He wiped her face and kissed her forehead. "So?" he asked stroking her dark hair.

"I don't like this dead daddy thing." she tells him.

"Me either baby girl, you all cuddled in?"

"Yep." Kurt folded the letter nestling it back in the envelope he sat it on the night stand, he switched off the lamp welcoming sleep because it meant he could ignore reality for least eight hours.

"Night sweet baby. Love you.'

"Night Papa, Love you back." she throws her right leg over his waist face cuddled into Dave's pillow he knows she'll end up on top of him come morning but its okay because it levels him out with normalcy and makes her feel safe.

"It's like sleepin' with damn spider monkey." he mutters, to himself and knows where ever Dave is he's laughing.

Tomorrow is a new day and he'll get through it simply because he has no other choice.


	3. Chapter 3

There's a sleep hazy completely peaceful moment before Kurt is fully awake. Then, his eyes open the sun warming the room into a golden hue. Emmie's knees are digging into the small of his back.

And just like that, he remembers and the world stops again in that sickening way like when the non descript towne car pulled up to his house and the soliders spilled out with their solemn almost robotic stoic rehearsed words crushing his entire world to nearly meaningless dust.

He can't breathe, he feels hulled out and empty his soul aches like there is a giant Dave shaped hole there. He wants to cry. Longs to but nothing happens he just exhales, Moves Emmie's knees away from his spine and gets out of bed. He turns and closes Emily's mouth as it hangs open. He kisses her cheek inhaling a mix of baby lotion, lavender shampoo, the sugary scent of cotton candy body wash with a underlying hint of play dough. All those smells that make up his little girl's scent level him out. Tucking a dark curl behind her ear he makes sure she is properly covered and moves toward the sounds in his living room.

He stands looking around his as everyone packs away things of his life.

Carole is covering dishes in bubble wrap and placing them in boxes. The cheeriness of his kitchen is becoming subdued as everything comes down.

Finn is busy looking perplexed by the DVD cabinet.

"Dave alphabetized them just chunk them all together Finn I never really cared." Finn jumps at the sound of his voice.

"Oh hey dude, are you…"

"I'm still here, it says something right?"

"Yeah…"

"And don't call me dude."

"Oh morning sweetheart." Carole said.

"Morning Carole." he moves to poor himself a cup of coffee.

"That group came to help us pack. I set them to work leaving you Emmie's room and the master."

"The FRG? Those ladies are nosy. Except for Lydia, its like living in Lima only smaller and politically correct to your face."

"Eat." Carole commands a she walks away. He backtracks and grabs an apple and heads outside.

-/-/-/-

The leaves are turning with the fall and he's reminded of the day he found Dave waiting for him outside Dalton.

He tells Blaine goodbye then is walking toward his car.

"That kid's smarmy Kurt." The voice makes his blood freeze. He pivots on his heel to face him.

"Don't run." Dave says holding his hands out in supplication. He's without his letter man jacket. Instead he's wearing a long camel colored trench coat and white scarf. It's very Hubbell Gardiner meets Buzz Lightyear. Its strikes him as incredibly funny but he is to scared to laugh.

"I have pepper spray and I know how to use it Karofsky."

"Please, please don't." Dave shoots him one of those I'm a creeper smiles before continuing.

"I just want to tell you. You should come back to McKinley. You're geek club sucks without you."

"It's glee cromagnon and I won't come back just so you can use me as your little gay punching bag screw that." He nervous fiddles with his bangs.

"I swear I won't touch you, I might look but I won't touch I never meant to drive you away." Karofsky says suddenly engrossed in the cracks of the parking lot concrete

"Then, What did you want Karofsky?"

"I've kissed you do you think you could call me Dave?" he's look at kurt in a way that baffles the younger man

"Why did you do that? Kiss me?"

"I wanted too." He says simply.

"That's all?"

"Pretty much and I was dying for you to shut up."

"Why should I come back?"

"You miss your friends? Or because that outfit makes you look like a demented movie usher." Kurt fights the urge to smile.

"Where's your jacket? Kurt's eyebrows raise

"The cleaners your friends slushied me in revenge."

Kurt was knocked from his reverie when the garbage truck rumbles by. Sitting his coffee down he moves Emmie's doll wagon out of the walk way so Finn's clumsy ass won't trip over it and break his neck.

There's been enough death to last him ten lifetimes he muses darkly.

He's nibbling his green apple and sipping his coffee as he journeys to the back yard what he sees freezes him in place. The anger seizes up in him so fast he trembles breathless with it.

He'd forgotten to tell Carole to leave Dave's little woodshop made out of a storage shed in the backyard to He and Finn to clean out. When he sees soldiers and their wives tossing things in boxes as if they don't matter he can't think. It doesn't help that biggest homophobe on the base has the nerve to smile at him too.

The anger unleashes in a really innocuous way he throws his coffee mug at the ugly tan shack.

"Leave it." he says lowly not one of them move not even Azimio near the back. They don't know what this little space means they didn't sit and watch David painstakingly build, sand and stain Emmie's crib. They didn't know Dave used this place as his own personal therapy. They'd never understand how the sweet tinge of sawdust and the chemical scent of wood stain clung to Dave under the spicy aftershave, or how the simplistically manly smell made Kurt feel safe. They'd know none of it.

They are all still unmoving and he's screaming before can register the sound in his own ears. "Leave his things alone! Stop touching them! Stop! Stop! Stop!" his sobs Are making his words unintelligible. The tears he couldn't find this morning are now tracking down his face, he's not sure how long he stands there raging but he feels Finn hug him from behind holding him up to keep him crumbling to the ground. Azimio finally moves forward gently taking the wood scraps he'd been prepared to fling. He sags back against Finn suddenly tired and allows himself to be half dragged into the house.

-/-/-/-

He'd caused a scene and usually that wouldn't bother him but he'd never been one who liked to be grist for the gossip mill and he was positive he'd seen the base gossip Marney Brown in the shop.

He was hiding, from his family, his child, the world, from all of it. It made him a coward. He knows that, he just doesn't care. So he keeps sorting the laundry. Closed off and alone at least for the moment.

Kurt is wondering what it says about his social life that he's hiding in the laundry room of the Pierce home, to get away from the chaos of Brittany's Christmas party.

He heard the door creak and smiled at how not surprised he was that Karofsky was so easily able to find him. Since his apology in October they had a tenuous friendship that was beginning to bubble into something else entirely. Whatever it was it wasn't publicly acknowledged they had stolen moments and quiet phone calls but it worked for them. For now.

"Hey fancy, is the laundry room the trendy new hiding place for Gays or what?" he smirked.

"Closets are so last year." he answered with a snigger, sipping his egg nog.

"How many of those have you had Kurt?" Dave asked eyebrow raised nodding at the oversized teacup he held in his hand.

"Like one or two but I think Britt put Everclear in it." he hiccupped and Dave laughed. "You put that down, Everclear can make you sick as a dog and give you a bitchin' hang over."

"Kay," he sat the cup down on the washer. He looks over and Dave is now standing close enough to breathe the same air.

"Just how drunk are you Kurt?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Just want to make sure you'll remember this in the morning." he tilted his chin up dropping a soft chaste kiss on his lips. 

Kurt surprised by the gentleness of the second kiss took a second to react.

"You're standing under the mistletoe Fancy, I had-" Kurt tugs him down and kisses him fully on the mouth. The kiss was slow and meandering as Dave kissed back it turned into something hot and hungry.

The need for air broke them apart.

"Wow." Kurt murmured.

"That's one word for it. Why in the hell is there mistletoe in the laundry room anyway?" Dave asked.

"Its Brittany sometimes its just better not to understand her reason It'll make your brain ache."

"True she did think actual heavenly angels were required to make snow angels." Dave said.

Emily flounced in all wild bed head, bright green eyes, and obnoxiousness.

"Papa! Papa!"

"What? Emmie!" he turned smiling at her as he stuffed wet jeans into the dryer.

"Horton hears a who is on! Will you watch with me?"

"Sure have you had anything to eat?"

"I asked Uncle Finn for a grilled cheese and he looked at me funny." the laugh bubbles up out of him before he can stop it. "I'll fix you one baby no worries."

"Papa, Uncle Finn thought the whos were real little people things."

"I think its from all the football related concussions darling its not his fault." Kurt answered

-/-/-/-

He's cutting Emmie's sandwich in half when he notices it his left hand is bare of his wedding band. His stomach turns and his hands begin to tremble. He starts searching the kitchen floor with his eyes.

"Papa you ok? You're all white…" Emmie said.

"Fine baby…" he sat her plate of apple slices and grilled cheese in front of her unaware tears were silently dripping down his cheeks.

"Kurt what's wrong?" Rachel asked snagging one of Emmie's apples.

"I lost my wedding band." he says it so utterly calm it takes Rachel a moment to really understand.

"We'll find it no problem it probably just slid off. Happened to me once while doing dishes."

"Didn't do dishes just laundry." And Rachel scurried off to find it.

"Found it! In the lint trap." Kurt let himself breathe a sigh of relief if he could misplace something as important as his wedding ring what else was he going to loose. Memories, the feeling of Dave's spirit close to him? He couldn't really bare to think on it too deeply instead he slipped on the lint dusty ring and went on.


	4. Chapter 4

Stupidly he thought things we're going to be different once they'd started college but after having gone to surprise Dave at NYU but apparently he was wrong he thinks as he stomps down the stairs of Dave's fourth floor walk up, and there are most definitely not tears in his eyes over Dave fucking Karofsky or that pained embarrassed look on his lovers face when the door swung open.

He's hurtling himself down the stairs fast as his feet can carry him to his waiting cab or at least he hopes its still waiting.

"Kurt wait!" he hears Dave closing in behind him but doesn't stop moving.

"Damn it baby, I said wait!" he shouts. The term of endearment gives him pause though he wishes it didn't he turns just as Dave is skidding to halt quite comically on the second floor. An old lady with blue hair sticks her head out of her door. "Hello Mrs. Fleets…everything is ok." Dave says and with a curious glance toward Kurt closes her door.

"Why wait David? For what? Seems like that's all I do wouldn't you agree?"

Dave gaped, looking eerily like a fish. "You're not being fair I…"

"Not being fair Dave? I just sat in a cab for an hour waiting for your room mates to leave! So, I could spend a little time with my boyfriend! You wanna know what's not fair? Not being able to hold your hand, or walk down the street beside you! What's not fair is being your dirty little limp wristed secret, feeling like you are ashamed to love me! And what's unfair to both of us Dave? That look you gave me when the door opened that terrified oh god I'm glad to see you but please, please don't let anyone see!" look

Dave swallowed, tears in his eyes. "You said you'd never make me choose?"

"I'm not," Kurt looked up at him. "I'm just making a different choice for myself, you can safely stay in the closet Dave you just can't pull me back in with you anymore…I'm done."

"We can fix this please Kurt, please don't… we can't be over…"

"We're fighting in a hall way that smells of cat pee and Mrs. Fleets was it? Is surely eavesdropping. I think that means we're already over." and with that he walked slowly from Dave Karofsky's life. He doesn't turn when he hears Dave's weight settle on the stairs. When the sobs that follows him out the door he doesn't pause he can't. Dave has to deal with his own denial.

"Papa! Get up!" She's bouncing on the bed sly grin in place. He groans, "Emily Belle…its early."

"Yep I know."

"What do you need?"

"Gramps says the boxes are all loaded." he cracks an eye open to look at her.

"Ok, I'm up! I'm up!" she shoots him another grin and he is intensely grateful that he was man enough to reach for his happiness and take Dave back on that fall night.

They have been broken up for a few months now. He could of gone to another college F.I.D.M. in L.A. Or even an off shoot of Ohio U in Dayton but there is something about this city its noises and smells, the feel of it makes Kurt feel like he's found his place. Besides something like eight million people live in New York City its not like he ever has to lay eyes on Dave Karofsky again.

He's trying to make the DVD player work when there is a knock at the door. Opening it he finds Dave staying there in well worn jeans and a army sweat shirt,

Kurt hopes he doesn't actually look as shocked as he feels.

"Hey babe." its such a simple statement. Then Kurt realizes how much he's missed that one tiny thing.

"Dave I -"

"Just don't close the door." The double meaning of the statement, the way those hazel eyes take in his face as though they are starved for the sight before them, the easy way he's rocked back on his heels and hands are stuffed into his pockets so as not to touch. All of that makes him want to cry.

He finds his voice though just barely. "What are you doing here?"

"I miss you."

"Don't-"

"I miss you Kurt and I'm tired. I've had enough…I can't do this anymore. I can't lie I…"

"What are you saying Dave?"

"Damn it Fancy can't you shut up and listen for once? I'm trying to tell you I love you and I don't care who knows! I told my parents and I did it for me. What I'm saying is I want to be with you and not secretly and not just for fun! I give okay! You win! You've got about five seconds to close the door and then-" He grabs handfuls of shirt and is yanking Dave into the apartment. Stretching upward to kiss him. Dave pulls him flush to him. Dave tastes of something sugary. The hands sneaking up under Kurt's blue turtle neck are warm and wide he feels safe. Dave nips at his chin he tilts his head back to give him better access and he realizes something he missed before. "Dave?"

"Mhhmm"

"I like the stubble feels nice." clothes are being discarded quickly and he's being back walked to the couch when Dave stumbles over the DVD player.

"What the?"

"I was trying to fix it but ever since Finn got drunk and tried to use it like an easy bake oven its kinda touchy."

Dave laughs and warm breath flutters on his neck. "You know you got it bad when you miss dumb step-brother antics too! I'll fix it later and you can get back to your weird Buffy and Angel obsession."

"I'm not that bad for all you know, I coulda been watching porn!"

Dave chuckles happily. He nips at Kurt's ear lobe and the room tilts.

"Christ warn a guy." Kurt mumbles.

"Nice to know the old buttons still work."

"We need to shut up!" 

"Agreed!"

Before Kurt's thoughts can go any farther his daughter is asking for outfit advice. "How's this?" she's wearing a leopard print petty skirt pink tights and a pink and black shirt declaring her an "Army Brat!" Kurt is just grateful it mostly matches aside from her untied turquoise tennis shoes with bedazzled toes. Sometimes he thinks he should double check her medical records to make sure there wasn't some kind of sperm switch.

"It's a daring choice my darling I dig it." he taps his thigh and he puts her foot up for him to tie the shoes.

He stands her in front of the mirror and begins braiding her hair. Looking at their reflection he sees bits of Emmie's "Egg Mom." as they'd labeled her but its mostly Dave reflected in her face. From the point of her chin and the slant of her cheek bones to the darkness of her hair it was all Dave. He wondered exactly when he'd begun to ache every time he looked at her.

"Papa you should get dressed today, Daddy would want it."

"Why?"

"Because fashion is your thing and Daddy wouldn't want his death to take away all your things."

"How'd you get so smart?" Kurt swallows past the lump in his throat.

"Just born that way I guess."

He laughs at that. "I love you Emmie Belle and I'm so very glad I have you."

"Love you too old man!"

"Hey now! I'm not even thirty."

In this moment he's happy and doesn't feel like he's being crushed under an invisible weight. He'll take it.


	5. Chapter 5

They are at a gas station not far from the base. He loads Emmie back into the car and resigns himself to being a bad parent for the day as he hands over Emmie's convenience store breakfast of Slim Jims and Mountain Dew. He goes to buckle her in. "Wait I gotta pee!" he tried not to let his irritation show. "Rach!" He shouted toward the gas pump. Where She sat in the passenger side of Dave's truck as Finn filled up. "Potty break."

"Okay I need to go anyway." she shouts out her rolled down window and gets out to retrieve her niece from Kurt's waiting arms. He goes to tell her Emmie can walk she doesn't have to carry her but he knows places like this make Rachel's inner neurotic mother hen come out. She'll just babble about germs and pedophiles or something so He lets it go. He's staring out into the pasture behind the gas station the sky a pale blue, sun shining brightly despite the cool air and He's angry and tries not to be. Dave wanted it this way. He wanted to be planted in the earth far away so Kurt wouldn't talk to a gravestone where he wasn't anyway. Dave wasn't on the receiving end of that choice. He wasn't the one doing the leaving. He was the one who'd done the dying. The scream is clawing its way up Kurt's throat but he chokes it back he can't let anyone see he how hard this was, Army spouses didn't cry. They took it on the chin put on a good show, he has to otherwise he's not sure he can do this…

Dave's being deployed for the first time. Kurt knew it was coming he's not stupid. You can't out run fate at least not for long. You hear Emmie crying through the monitor and want to move to get her but your brain is stuck on three little words "Disposition of remains." Doing Dave's paper work simply because he has the handwriting of a serial killer was stupid.

You hear Dave talking to Emmie. "What's wrong my sweet girl? Oh oh okay… shhh I got ya, ok lets try the bouncing thing…I guess you'd say what can make feel this way…my girl…" you know him singing to your daughter should make you smile instead you are to busy being terror struck to by the clinical use of those horrible words to enjoy it.

Dave appears in the kitchen doorway with the three month old baby on his shoulder. "I got so much honey the bees are-" Dave's hand stills from tickling Emmie's back and he tugs her little pink shirt back down into place.

"Sup Fancy?" he nods a perplexed look on his face. "Kurt speak, you're paler than usual and it's scaring me."

"Does the disposition of remains mean what I think it does?"

"Yeah, just put-"

"No Dave! No you don't get to be blasé about this!" He screeches.

"It's just a plot of ground babe I could truly care less." Dave says calmly and you seriously would punch him but he's holding the baby.

"Of course you'd think that!" Dave shrugged walking over he tilted up Kurt's chin. "I know exactly where I'm headed Kurt and everything that matters you'll carry here…" he tapped a finger just over Kurt's heart 

"The rest of it doesn't matter…just pick out a spot here plant me in it and be done." he dropped a kiss on Kurt's mouth. "Don't cry it isn't going to come to that anyway."

Kurt exhaled shakily "So here?"

"Here, I stopped belonging in Lima a long time ago."

"Alright then, What was Miss Prissy's deal?" he gestured to the baby in Dave' s arms. Dave shot him a crooked grin. "Just wanted to be held, demanding lil' thing kinda like you…"

Emily came bouncing out of the store. "Feel better buggy boo?" Kurt asked. Tugging his black cashmere turtleneck in place.

"Yep, and I didn't touch nothing so I don't got staph!" answered and Kurt chokes on a laugh. Loaded up and ready to go he turns over the ignition and Dave's favorite song pours from the speakers for some reason he lets it play. Maybe someone, somewhere is trying to tell him something. He pulls into traffic. "Daddy's favorite turn it up." Emmie demands. "Don't worry about a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right. Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!" He's not sure everything will be alright in fact he's pretty sure It'll never be alright again but he grits his teeth and smiles so brightly at his child you'd think he won the lottery. He joins her in singing along. " Rise up this mornin', Smiled with the risin' sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin' sweet songs Of melodies pure and true, Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:") Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right. "Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right!" they are chair dancing along with the sunny reggae beat…the chours kicks in again… "Rise up this mornin', Smiled with the risin' sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin' sweet song Of melodies pure and true, Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:" Emmie stops doing the monkey and starts waving her hands in the air, and he figures what the hell he uses one hand to drive and with the other raises his cell phone in the air and lights it up swaying along as they sing at the top of their lungs " ".Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh! Every little thing gonna be all right. Don't worry!"Singin': "Don't worry about a thing" - I won't worry! "'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."

Finn chose that moment to call. "Hello."

"What in the fuck are you two doing?"

"Having fun why?"

"It looked like you were having some sort of joint seizure…"

"Nope." Kurt answers "Oh kay.." and Finn hangs up.

" Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right" - I won't worry! Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right." Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, oh no !'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!" As the song faded his dad called. "You alright back there son?" Burt lead their little three car caravan in the U-haul with Finn and Rachel bringing up the rear."She was laughing, we were laughing so I just went with it."

"You're doin' good kid, but seriously no more drive dancing its gotta be dangerous and that's my granddaughter in that car."

"Gotcha Dad thanks."

"Just doin' my job."

" I know me too." Kurt rolled his eyes heavenward and mouthed. "Thank You." because he was sure Dave had sent them that much needed levity.

-/-/-/-

He was crossing into Ohio the night black around him Emily asleep in her car seat head turned in a funky angle she'd fallen asleep two thirds of the way through toy story 3 and her happy meal.

He used to like the quiet now though it just gives him to much time to think of things some big some small but all of it important at least to him. Hands wrapped around the laces of combat boots as they prepare to tie in a double knot. The weight of the steps falling on that last creaky stair just before he left. Dave was Special Ops sometimes most times he'd leave with little explanation or no warning.

So that last Saturday morning when he was gently shaken awake and was only half coherent for the final kiss goodbye he never really thought it would be final as the in last one never again sense of final he'd taken it for granted because Dave always came back, he always did. He wants that moment back to redo it rather than roll over and go back to sleep as Dave suggested.

No one ever tells you how to let go, say goodbye, reach some form of closure. Maybe closure isn't real maybe its just s pipe dream floating in the ether of grief. He's not sure of much but he is sure of one thing. Emily has to be happy she has bounce back. Which means he has to too. He won't become her responsibility like Burt had become his. As much as he loves the old man and god does he, that was never fair. So Kurt will solider on so to speak. He smirks at his mental pun, and as he listen to the national sing about walking away and starting a war on Dave's mix tape. He thinks he may not have started this war, but he'll damn sure finish it. Even if his first battle field is one he knows well Lima, and the little apartment over Hummel Automotive.

The war is moving on. The battle a fresh start.-/-/-/-

AN: I own nothing but Emmie. The songs used are Three Little Birds by Bob Marley and Start A War By The National. One or two chapters left before this story reaches its conclusion ladies and gents. I just wanna say thanks for all the reviews and alerts please keep em' coming-Meg


	6. Chapter 6

AN: I own nothing but Emily. This chapter was inspired loosely by Sugarland's Very Last Contry Song. Please enjoy and R&R!

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They are mostly unpacked except for a few boxes Kurt sits down at the kitchen table amongst emptied boxes. He rights the turned over salt shaker sweeping away spilt salt. Fuck superstition, fuck bad luck it's not like its gonna get worse. He inhales a deep breath the scent of motor oil from down stairs and the left over pizza from Emmie's lunch linger. He opens a large cardboard box labeled pictures. Kurt lifts out his parents wedding album. He opens the white leather book. He smiles at his Dad's eighties mullet and looks over at his mom. She looks young, and Kurt suddenly realizes he's ten years older than she is in this picture. He looks like her but can't remember her its mostly one or two sharp memories and the rest is an impression. The feel and smell of her the sound of her laugh. Emmie's in his place now. He can't make it okay and it kills him. He closes the book gingerly sitting it aside.

He eyes a squat pine box. some of Dave's belongings that had been sent back lay in it. He slides away the lid. Dog tags, rank patches and love letters greet him. Part of him is dying to close the box and put it away. But that other part…

He lifts the dog tags out .pressing the cool metal into his hand. His thumb caressing the raised metal stating Dave's vital stats. Kurt has them memorized he recites them in his head like some litany formed prayer. D. Karofsky-Hummel. Blood type O Negative Religion: Lutheran. Inoculation: current. Maybe if he repeats it enough, he'll believe he's gone…Yeah not working. He loops the tags around his neck settling them under his shirt.

Next, he takes out Dave's rank patches and others, along with the letters written in his own hand and sits them aside gently in a neat little pile. He looks down into the box and is greeted by a pile of photographs tied together with what Kurt knows is the Hermes handkerchief he'd thought he lost. Untying it he sees photos he didn't know David kept. They are out of order as though Dave had just been rifling through them. The one on top caused a smile to tug at the corner of his mouth. They'd gone to their 5 year reunion at McKinley walking in hand in hand they caught more than a few stares….

"Ready to do this?" Kurt asked, looking up at Dave.

"It's now or never." Dave opens the door resting his hand on the small of Kurt's back ushering him in. the front hall empty, they find the cafeteria full but the old social hierarchy firmly in place as each clique was off to itself.

"Never changes does it." Dave murmurs. Somehow Kurt's hand slips into his he squeezes lightly and smiles reassuringly.

"No high school is like a black hole of melodrama…"

"Remind me why we're here again?" Kurt felt people around them doing the turn and stare shortly followed by whispering.

"Because we stopped hiding a long time ago Kurt states watching Azimio approach. Kurt inclines his head at Azimio and smiles.

"You match Az did Mara dress you?" Kurt teases in his bitingly witty way.

"And your blazer looks like its made of Hershey's kiss wrappers."

Kurt sniffed. "Its sliver lame` thank you very much."

"It hurts my eyes."

Dave rolls his eyes. "And that's my line, would you two please stop."

"He started it!" Azimio defends himself.

"And you bite every time Az that's why!" Dave says exasperated 

"I came to peel you away from lover boy."

"You cool without me a bit?" Dave asked. Kurt nodded. "Yeah I see Quinn anyway." Dave kissed his cheek and began moving away. "Signal if you need saving Kurt said. Dave winked and walked away. 

"Its good too see your glaringly bedazzled self Kurt." Az called out following Dave. Rachel bum rushes him and drags him away to the gleek side of the room before he can respond in kind.

Kurt is sipping some sherbetty spiked punch when Santana breaks the groups befuddled silence.

"You and Dave Karofsky? Really?"

"Umm humm."

"Uh Since when dude?" Puck asked straddling a plastic chair sipping a beer. Lauren sat down next to him stealing food off his plate. 

"That depends on your definition of time markers in the closet Winter break of Junior year…out of the closet sophomore year of college because I broke up with him." Britney's brows quirked. Kurt smiled at her as she sat in Artie's lap. "But he was mean to you." She stated. Becky who was standing next to her laughed "Come on Brit he might as well of had I love fancy pants tattooed on his melon. 

Kurt laughed. Touché Becky . I'm surprised Rachel kept our secret this long."

"Wasn't my story to tell…"

They talked a bit longer before Dave came over. "Fancy I've been signaling for help for like twenty minutes what the hell?"

"Sorry babe my back was turned I guess."

"Oh is that what you were doing you had some weird tourettes tick." Finn said as he moved to loop an arm around Rachel's waist.

"No offense dudes but this is just to weird." Puck added in.

"You shoulda seen that first thanksgiving." Finn joked.

"That's so not funny." Dave grumbled, he stole Kurt's drink taking a sip. "That has rum in it babe you won't like it, " As if on cue Dave's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Yuck fruity."

"Not touching that one." Kurt murmured 

"Crap I just made a bad gay pun didn't I?"

Tina sniggered next to him. "It was cute don't worry."

"White boy!" Was shouted across the room. Kurt was bum rushed by the curvy black woman and was jostled from Dave's light hold.

" 'Cedes!"

"How is New York treating you?" she asked.

"Fine but they are about to transfer Dave to Texas."

"Oh so what does that mean for you?"

"We'll get married. You can't live with someone on base and not be." Dave replied and watched as several of Kurt's friends tensed, Jones even going so far as to glare at him, She was never really okay with Kurt forgiving him and on some level he respects her for it on another it just plain pisses him off.

Finn oblivious of the tension. "Can I wear my powder blue tux I got when Sam and I went as the guys from dumb and Dumber at that Halloween party."

"Dear god, No." Kurt responded and everyone laughed the tension draining from the moment.

"Look like you love each other. I need current pictures." Rachel says making motions with her hands like they should squeeze together. "We do love each other." Dave states.

Emily's high pitched laughter draws Kurt from his musings. He looks out the window and sees her being chased by his father. Dave was right he thinks, they did love each other and they were married the summer this was taken.

In a small church in Temple, Texas a suburb of Austin where Kurt taught and Dave made rank as corporal at fort hood.

David had worn his dress greens and Kurt a black on black suit. Kurt knew Dave didn't keep their wedding photo in this pile. People still judged and homophobia still existed and sadly copies of the photo had been burned or defaced many times and left for Dave to find. So, he kept one in his truck pinned to the sun visor next to a picture of Emmie with his sister Alaina.

Flipping through the photos his eyes land on one of the first professional photo taken of Emmie courtesy of Tina. Kurt smiled thinking of how sweetly protective Dave was of Emily.

"You're being unreasonable David," Kurt said snippily.

"I am not it's reasonable to leave her clothed for the photo Kurt. It's fucking cold in here. He cuddled the baby girl into his dark blue dress shirt covered chest. "Give me Emily, David." He says it slow and measured because though Dave's protective streak is cute its slowing up the process. It's irritating.

"No." Dave replied petulantly . 

"Stop being ridiculous, it'll take five minutes ." Kurt snatched the baby from Dave's arms carrying her over to one of the couches in Tina's studio. Dave pouted but followed, standing next to the couch cushion Emmie was laid on.

"I still say its too chilly for naked cutesy baby pictures."

"She's not cold Hon, she's sleepin' like a rock." As if on a helpful cue the baby let out a soft snore. "See?" Kurt began undressing her. "And you don't have to stand there all guard dog like She hasn't yet mastered the fine art of rolling over. She's a week old." 

"Better safe than sorry." Dave said reaching down and smoothing one of Emmie's wayward dark curls back into place.

Kurt began tying a shiny blue ribbon around the baby's chest tying the bow with his usual flourish. "I draw the line at gift wrapping our child Kurt Elijah." Dave said trying to sound admonishing and not amused.

Kurt's eyes snapped up to Dave's hazel ones. "Oooh my name, you will pay for that!" Kurt said pointing at Dave. At his miffed expression Dave smirks.

"Lookin' forward to it. 'sides Fancy stopped pissing you off along time ago."

Kurt knew why Dave kept this one. He swore up and down Emmie was smiling in her sleep. Kurt didn't have the heart to tell him it was more likely she had gas.

He flips through further surprised at what lay in his hand. A faded photo of Dave that Kurt had slyly taken himself. In the McKinley High parking lot. He stood in profile in a snug worn soft blue graphic tee shirt a simple sliver cross hung around his neck, mirrored aviators adorn his face. His face turned as says something to Azimio.

He looked good. Momentarily content which was saying something for back then. He'd winked at him from behind his aviators as he passed him. Kurt smiled a little sadly. Back then that wink was passed for a brazen public declaration of love. He flipped the picture over and was greeted by his own scrawl. "The day I fell in love with you."-Kurt

" We are now one very big, very bad, gay cliché. Dave muttered as Kurt pulled him into the art department's supply closet where they always spent their free period fooling around amongst paint, plaster, canvas and turpentine. 

Kurt stood on his tiptoes to drop a kiss on Dave's mouth. "

Afternoon boy toy. I brought you cookies." Dave's eyebrow quirked up. "That a euphemism Fancy?"

Kurt levered himself up onto the metal sink in back corner of the small room. Kurt smiled nearly victoriously as he watched as Dave's gaze slowly strolled up his body. Stopping salaciously on the crotch of his tight fitting plumb colored jeans. "Nope actual cookies, a girl scout was selling them outside the seven-eleven. I couldn't resist." Kurt wasn't sure he was actually being heard. "My eyes are up here jock." Dave swallowed thickly. Dragging his eyes up Kurt's torso almost unseeing of the dove gray wrap around sweater the boy wore. To rest on his face. "I know where they are, baby."

"Yeah? Seems like you were elsewhere?"

"Heard you just fine." he took three longs strides and was standing in the vee Kurt's thighs made. Grasping the back of Kurt's neck he kisses him hard tongue forcing its way into claim his mouth. Kurt groaned in response kissing back with he equal fervor all but wrapped around the taller boy. When they broke for air. "Then what was it I said?" Kurt voice comes deeper even to is own ears. It's always like this for the first few minutes desperate and hungry. It is usually worse on Mondays and Fridays especially if they aren't able to steal away time over the weekend.

"Cookies where?" Dave murmured nipping at Kurt's earlobe causing him to shiver. 

"In my bag." Kurt nods to his leather messenger bag sitting slumped over by the door. Dave leaves his embrace. The promise of food temporarily more important than physical proximity. Kurt enjoys the view of Dave's ass as he fishes out the green box and the play of the muscles in his biceps as he opens the box. "Like what you see?"

"Always, I like that shirt looks good on you." Dave blushes at the compliment. "I knew you'd tell me my letterman jacket would clash so I left it at home." 

"Good call." Dave went to open the sleeve of cookies with his teeth.

"Oh Jesus don't do that, give them here."

Dave laughed. "Why?"

"it's icky," Another laugh this time more full and loud, making butterflies awaken in Kurt's stomach.

"Icky?" Dave clarifies. "It skeeves me out okay and is bad for your teeth. You wanna eat hand them over." he plunks them into Kurt's hand returns to stand between Kurt's thighs, this time facing the door.

"No one is going to catch us David I locked it." He stole a cookie for himself and handed Dave back the open package. "I know that." he bit into the cookie with a moan of delight. "Manna from heaven."

"I thought that was scarves and coffee?" Dave replies stuffing a thin mint in his mouth. 

"Those too." Kurt leans forward slightly to kiss the back of Dave's neck "How was your day?" he murmured against Dave's skin

Dave shrugs. "Been better took a nasty hit in morning practice shoulder's been outta whack all day."

"Which?"

"Left wh-" he let out a guttural groan as Kurt worked out the knotted muscle.

"You are my favorite…" Dave took a cleansing breath. "Person and you have magical hands."

"You're just now realizing that?" Kurt snickered. Dave shook his head no. "The reminder is nice though." Dave turned in Kurt's arms. "And how was yours?" Dave asked intertwining their free hands.

"I swear on Prada Dave, if I have to listen to anymore Rachel Berry-fied Streisand tributes I may burn my copy of The way we were in protest."

Dave chuckled. "Don't that's a good movie, and its from back when Robert Redford was still hot."

"Hubbell Gardiner is awfully fine. Wait, you've seen it? And liked it?"

He bit into another cookie "Yeah, kinda made me think of us, they are complete opposites who fight all the time, then everything comes easily to one and the other is always fighting some epic battle for their moral code."

"So, which one of is which?" Kurt tilted his head in question.

"You are definitely wordy enough to be Katie Marosky, but nothing comes easily to me now does it? At least not when its important."

Kurt tilted Dave's chin back up. "You'll get there when you're supposed to David, and I'm going to stick around to see it."

"Why?"

"Because I love you and that means you're worth it."

"Why? Do you love me I mean?" Dave's brow quirked

"Lots of things, you see past my bitch veneer and still manage to like me and because sometimes sitting in this tiny closet with you eating thin mints and doing absolutely nothing is the best part of day." Kurt leaned forward to kiss him lightly.

"You see contentment all I see is what I've reduced you too…how is that even possible?"

Kurt shrugged "Life has no easy answers, I'm not going to push you to find them or leave you because you can't see them yet." 

Quick feet climbing his stairs drew Kurt out of his thoughts. The young boy working part time at his dad's shop appeared in the doorway chest heaving.

"Mister HK, Emmie climbed up in the oak in front of the shop and I can't get her down. Mr. Hummel wanted to but she's screaming for her Daddy."

Running outside he looks up to measure the distance. Holy Jesus, fuck that's high…

"Daddy! Papa! Somebody help….I w-want Daddy." she screams from her place wrapped around a high but very sturdy looking branch.

But if there's one thing Kurt knows it's that looks are deceiving. He really kind of hates heights and wishes Dave were here. For the millionth time. He's not though so Kurt kicks into action. First order of business is to calm Emily down. "Emily, can you look at me baby…no not the ground, just at Papa's face." he catches her tear filled green eyes. "Good girl."

"I'm going to fall to my death aren't I?" Emily says ever the drama queen.

"Nope, I'm coming up to get you." he turns to ask for someone to find a ladder. His dad is already setting up, Finn decides in that moment to come outside. "I'll get her if you want I know-"

"No, I can do this. Thank you though." he carefully climbs the ladder he's at least two thirds of the way up when he's in reach of Emmie. "Hey bug, what did you climb all this way up for?" he asks as he makes sure he's properly braced.

"There's a bird's nest I wanted to see." he reaches over. "Next time remind me and I'll show you Jacob Ben Israel's hair it'll be easier. Take your left hand off the branch and put it around my neck." she did and he grabbed her free side. "Now the other…good girl." once they both had a good hold he pulled her free of the tree. She wrapped her legs around his waist and basically squeezed him with her whole body. "It's ok baby you're safe…lets climb down ok?" she nodded into his shoulder. "I got you all dirty papa."

"It's alright you are so much more important than my wardrobe."

With Emily firmly on the ground he prepares to launch into a lecture when, he sees a willow brunette who he knows Emily will resemble someday.

"Alaina?"

Emily all fear forgotten turns and runs up "Hi Aunt Laina." she climbs up the young woman. "Hey baby, I was in Peru Kurt I just…" she choked up and kissed Emily's cheek. "Found out."

"I know I uh, left a message for you with the peace corps. Lets go inside and I'll tell you what happened to him."

"My parents they-"

"They know sweetie I called your mother myself."

"No Kurt, they'd like to see Emily." Kurt has almost no reaction. He inhales, finds a smile for Emily and says, "Come on, tell me what I've missed since the Sudan okay?" and ushers her inside Emmie still in her arms. He shoots a worried look to Burt over his shoulder as he's climbing the stairs.


	7. Chapter 7

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They all settle around the sturdy kitchen table that is at odds with Kurt's flashy modern style, with its nicked wood and the old stain from Dave's shoe polish. Its messy and homey. Its who Kurt is now. Just like the crisp white couch Emmie's not allowed to eat or do anything other than sit on is a vestige of pre-married, pre-baby Kurt.

Alaina looks around a little sadly like she knew she'd interrupted something. Emmie leans over and grabs the last picture Kurt had been looking at.

"Can I have this?" Kurt smiles she has no way of knowing the symbolism the photograph keeps within its image. To her its just an old picture of her Daddy. To Kurt it tells of things he never told Dave, that day he'd so easily expressed his love like a million times before but that day he truly meant it because he'd decided love and contentment was more important than a open commitment.

"Sure baby, That's fine."

"Okay thanks Papa I'm gonna go to room to play. I don't want to hear how Daddy died." She grabbed the picture and scurried off. The simple no nonsense childish way she says it cuts him to the bone with honesty and reality.

He's gone. Their lives have changed permanently. No matter how keenly he feels it or how truly he knows it, It still shocks him anew everyday.

"Kurt." Alaina knocks him from his reverie looking at him with her head cocked chin resting in her palm.

He smiles at her. "You have the same I have no idea what you're talking about but I'm allowing you to continue because you're cute pose, as David."

She smiles back at him a little sadly herself. "And the Karofsky scowl has saved me from many a handsy fella."

"That shit's scary when directed at you." Kurt murmured.

"Alright stop deflecting Hummel, rip the band aid off and tell me."

"What do you want to know?"

"Two things, how are you holding up? And what happened to Dave?"

"I'm still at the point where every single breath tends to suck more than the last simply because he's not here and I know he won't ever be again. I'm not sure when or if that ever changes and I haven't the nerve to ask my Dad yet." Kurt wipes at the shoe polish stain just to have something to do.

"And Dave?"

"From what I understand he and the rest of his team were tracking a new hive of terrorists and being the best sniper on his team he'd taken down a few of the underlings, unbeknownst to me there was a price on David's head. A hefty one and the enemy collected."

"I kept hoping he was M.I.A. or that there was some mistake I didn't, I don't want to believe he's dead." Alaina twisted a Kleenex in her hands tears dripping down her pretty face. Kurt reached over stilling her hands by placing his over hers.

"I saw his body Alaina it's more real than is fair." she laid her head on the table and sobbed whole heartedly. Kurt leaned forward kissing the top of her head. Running the fingers of his free hand through her hair as he does when comforting Emmie. He's surprised to find himself dry eyed. Maybe you're given strength by whatever god it is he tries to believe in when its needed or maybe he just doesn't have those kinds of tears left.

"It's never going to be okay again." she mumbles into her arms.

"No probably not. We'll end up redefining what okay means for us Alaina."

Twenty minutes and several dirty tissues later,

"Why isn't he buried here?"

"Same reason you joined the peace corps, Lima stopped being his home. I did what he asked simple as that."

"So it wasn't about sticking it to my Dad the best way he knew how?"

Kurt smirked. "Dave wasn't that devious sweetheart. Why do they want to see Em?"

"Got me ask them." She shrugged.

"I'll meet them at the park Friday. I want to talk to Paul alone. Without Marina making excuses for him."

-/-/-/-

Kurt sat down on the park bench without looking at Paul Karofsky. He noticed Marina leaned on a silver sedan parked across the street as she stood watching Emmie and Alaina play.

Kurt could feel the intense waves of discomfort rolling off the man next to him. Kurt on the other hand felt nothing but disdain for the other man. He inhaled a breath preparing to speak.

"I'm here because I love…" Kurt cleared his throat "Loved Dave, not because I like you or respect you. I'm here because Dave's not here to give you redemption, forgiveness, whatever you want to call it. He'd of given it to you whether you deserved it or not. Because that's who he was, who he became you missed that all because you couldn't love him unconditionally. You get to live with that for the rest of your days I pity you."

He looked over at Emmie. As the other man sucked in a breath as though he'd been hit. He watches Emily hang upside down on the jungle gym. Alaina stands within arms reach to save her from falling.

"He was a good father, a great one. I'm sure not if that's in part because of you or in spite of you. It confuses me. Always has, to know that probably the most gentle soul I knew could become so completely consumed in rage, self hate and fear. He was walking oxymoron for a while." Paul picks at his cuticles nervously. Dave used to do that Kurt thinks longing to cry but he stuffs it down

Kurt took a breath. "I know you look at me with disgust. You think I ruined him. Dave would have been gay either way. I just held his head above the water when he got too tired to swim." Paul looks over. His brow furrowing.

"I don't-"

"Yes, you do." Kurt says slow and plain. He licks his lips before trudging on.

"It took him so long to gather his courage to tell you, and you called him an abomination. That he spit in the face of god by loving me for that I will never forgive you." Kurt is thinking back before he can help it. This is one memory he wished he didn't have.

Kurt receives a frantic phone call from Azimio saying Dave has locked himself in the bathroom and is crying. 

When he rushes over ditching his fly by English class. He's surprised by how cool Azimio is being about the whole ordeal. They've been back together for almost two weeks now. Azimio walked in on them a few days ago and after he'd calmed down Dave explained that he was gay and in love with Kurt.

Azimio had laughed saying he suspected the gay part and if he loved Hummel that was fine by him just lock his door from now on. And that was the end of it.

Kurt knocked on the hunter green door of 2b where Dave, Azimio, and their other room mate Rob lived.

He waited as Azimio shuffled toward the door audibly.

It swung open to reveal Azimio in McKinley High tee shirt and jeans.

"Azimio."

"Hummel."

"Now what's the problem?" 

"He locked himself in the bathroom after breakfast and hasn't come out he's been crying I listened at the door. So, I figured it had to do with you or the whole liking dick thing."

"Not everything has to do with that and must you be so crass?" Kurt sniffed sitting his messenger bag on the couch.

"Listen dude I've seen the guy cry like three times in my whole life, once when his grandma died, once when we lost the hockey championship in the eighth grade, and then when you left him, but he blamed it on allergies which was lame. Nobody is dead as far as I know and he doesn't play sports anymore so that leaves you and the whole gay thing." Azimio stands with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Stop calling it that!"

"Fine his sexuality is that better? I'm doin' the best I can here man just get him outta the fuckin' can ok?" he replied with an eye roll.

Kurt ignored his ramblings. He knocked on the bathroom door.

"David it's Kurt can you let me in?"

"Hi baby," they hear him sniffle and shift around. A smile tugs at the corner of Kurt's mouth at the term of endearment.

"Hey honey, let me in alright?" He tries gently

"No I don't want you to see me this way." He imagines Dave is shaking his head on the other side of the door.

"Okay then Azimio and I will sit here and wait til you're ready to talk or come out of that atrociously filthy lavatory." Kurt sank down to sit one leg drawn to his chest the other out straight as leaned against the door head tilted back.

"Az is still out there and he called you? Why?"

"Yeah man I'm here because I'm your bro that doesn't change I called Princess Mcskinny Jeans cuz you sounded like you needed your boyfriend." the ease with which he uses the word boyfriend makes Kurt smile. For the Princess Mcskinny Jeans remark Kurt gives him the finger. Azimio rolls his eyes from where he's leaned on the door frame opposite Kurt.

"You know that I love you right? And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like there was something wrong with you Kurt." he's choking back sobs now and Kurt's a little alarmed. Azimio looks supremely uncomfortable and scared.

"What brought this on Dave? Talk to me."

"Answer the question. Do you know that I love you?"

"Yes, I know that and all of our issues have been dead and buried a long long time David. What's wrong?"

"Yeah man, you gotta tell us." Azimio added in.

"When I told you I came out to my parents I did but I let you believe it went better than it did."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to worry you."

"He called me an abomination, told me to get out of his house that he didn't want someone who spit in the face of god and blatantly disregarded his word by loving a man to ever darken his door again." he's sobbing again but Kurt hears the lock flick open and rushes in. Finding Dave crumpled in on himself in the floor leaning back on the tub.

"I know what it's like now and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you were anything less than perfect Kurt." Kurt gathered him to his chest. 

"We're fine you here me? No worries."

"It was awful my mother she cried and cried and I didn't know how to fix any of it." 

"Shh, I've got you. It's all going to be okay or at the very least get better I promise you baby. It won't always feel this way." he kissed the top of his head. "I love you David."

"Sorry to interrupt you guys, but I just want you to know you ain't an abomination you're the best dude I know, fuck what you're Dad says I don't care who you screw you're my boy and I love you. Tell anyone I said I loved you I'll whip your ass."

Dave snorted. "As if you could."

"You snotted on my Armani." Kurt can't help being a little miffed his clothes are like his children. Any irritancy he feels melts away when Dave shoots him a watery crooked grin.

"Buy me some pizza and we'll call it even. Can we please get up off this floor before we catch Ebola Virus?" Kurt says fighting off the hebe gebes.

"So I guess shower sex is out?" Dave replies sardonically.

"Get a hazmat cleaning crew then I'll think about it." Kurt stands and pulls Dave to his feet.

"You two are like the odd couple but are actually gay." Azimio teased. Dave snickered in return.

Kurt shook his head to clear the memories.

"You will never know how hard he cried. I didn't think I'd ever get him up off the bathroom floor. He held it all in for a week too. That's how tough he was. Army or no." Kurt finally puts his hatred in its place enough to look over at the man. He's sitting tensely with his whole body seemingly drawn up. Body language saying to tread carefully but devilishly Kurt doesn't want to.

"You knew didn't you? You convinced him to join the army in final attempt to make David straight. How did you know? I've always wondered."

"Easter break his senior year, We went to the store to buy more eggs for Marina. You were in another aisle," He squinted as if trying to pull the details into sharper focus. "He stopped dead in his tracks and just stared at you. At first I thought it was your…attire, but then I saw his face and I knew he loved you and it terrified me,"

"How do you think he felt? I could tell you but it's a little late now isn't it." Kurt can't help but snap back.

"I grew up in a world where being gay was a sin and it made you weak. It made you a joke. A pariah."

"You can't catch gay you are or you're not its that simple." Kurt said dryly.

"Knowing that and believing it are two different things." Paul took a breath.

"I tried…really I…David's choices were wrong."

"I can't enlighten you anymore than Dave could. So I won't try. You and Marina want to know Emily, why?"

"Because she's part of him. We loved him. I loved him contrary to what you might think. Its just…I mourned the dreams I had for Dave and who I thought he was…" he tosses his hands up as if he has no words. Kurt has some left though.

"Those dreams you mourned he fulfilled them anyway." He looks over to find his daughter on the swings. Marina is inching closer as though she can't help herself. "Papa! See how high I am?"

"I see you sweet baby hang on tight." he calls back before picking up where he left off.

"Her name's Emily. I'm not a woman but I can assure you no one loved him more. He lived a full happy life that's the only thing that keeps me going. Knowing that makes it easier to say," he drew in a breath. "Goodbye."

He forces Paul to hold his gaze by leaning into his field of vision.

"And I'm positive he was more of a man than you'd ever thought. He did the job no else had the guts or the grace for. Its because of all that I forgive you for your stupidity and prejudice."

Kurt nods resolutely. "You want to see our daughter? You do it on my terms. You teach her one homophobic thing ever and its over. For good." Paul has the decency to look abashed as much as surprised.

"Don't ever try to replace Dave with her. It doesn't work that way your mistakes with Dave are over and done. She's not Dave,

Kurt smiles in spite of himself. "She's a lot like him. She has his temper and his brains, she can read and add."

"He liked teaching her." Kurt murmurs as though that bit was an afterthought.

"She can recite hockey stats like Rain man in a skirt. She's always getting dirty and scraping some body part bloody." Kurt says with warm pride and a little humor.

"She sees the blood and she'll cry like you're cutting off her arm…she's a drama queen, she likes to dance and have tea parties and she's boy crazy. She's Emmie not Dave. Please treat her accordingly." He draws a breath steeling himself to be the bigger person.

" You and Marina want to see her that's fine but we're going slow." Kurt picks lent off his jeans before looking over at Paul again.

" Also any pictures you might have cut me out of you might want to get reprinted. She'll want to know why Papa isn't in the pictures and unless you want to explain your disapproving nature to her it might need changing." Kurt says primly.

"Now if you'd like to meet your granddaughter come with me."

"Marina!" Kurt calls out. He's surprised when the woman rushes forward to hug him.

"Thank you." She says. "Dave loved you very much. Both of you. He would of wanted this." Kurt whispered back.

"Emily Belle don't you dare jump from that swing!" Kurt says as they separate.

"I wasn't gonna."

"Uh huh, well come down from there. I want you to meet some people."

"Okay." Alaina helped her from the swing. She stood dusting off her knock off L.A.M.B. Jeans. Then she looked from Dave's parents to Kurt and back again.

Kurt swallows shoring up his nerves "Emmie, these are Daddy's parents. Your other grandparents, they wanted to meet you and get to know you."

Her eyes are stuck on Marina. "Wow I look like you." the tiny woman looks so much like Dave it's uncanny. Marina exhales shakily. Voice tear thickened she says, "No Emily, you look just like your Daddy."

"That's what my Papa says."

She looks to Kurt then. "Is this okay with Daddy? He always said he and his parents disagreed a lot and that's why they didn't come around, and disagree means fight. Right?"

"Yes, it does in a way Em but-"

Paul squats down to her level. "Emmie, may I call you Emmie?

"Sure did you know my Daddy named me Emily because Papa wanted to name me Bronte` but Daddy said people would pick on me til I graduated so they compromised and Belle cause Beauty and The Beast was my Aunt Rachel's favorite movie while I was in her belly."

"Well no I didn't. Learn something new everyday. Anyway I- we I guess, made our fair share of mistakes with your Daddy but we'd like to change things and be different with you."

"Okay, fair nuff."

"Enough baby. Fair enough." Kurt corrected.

"Whatever." she huffed "Can we get ice cream now? You promised."

"Yep, lead the way my darling."

She turned to Marina grabbing her hand. "What do I call you? What kind of ice cream do you like? I like chocolate. Oh and thank you for sending me Daddy's jacket I sleep with it lots."

"Well you're a quarter Greek and a quarter Russian so how about Yaya and Pappoo. I like butter pecan ice cream and you are very welcome. Anyone ever tell you that you talk a lot baby girl?"

"All the time. I get from my Papa." She tugged Marina toward the Ice Cream Shoppe, around the corner.

"You look like a Yaya so it works."

"I agree."

"Well Mr. Karofsky it looks like your stuck with me a bit longer, because let me tell you I'm not sure whose going to be harder to pry away Marina or my Em." he said as they trailed behind the three ladies. Alaina having taken Emily's other hand.

"I can handle it if it means seeing them smile I suppose." Kurt nodded he understood that much at least. "They do make quite the picture." Kurt answered.

"I hope I made you proud today, My love." Kurt thinks sending his thoughts heavenward to Dave.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Tell me what you thought please. Time lines a bit sketchy but Dave and Kurt we're married a year before Emmie's birth.

Dave's been gone 1,095 days sometimes Kurt can hardly believe it. It's been three years and as it turns out he was right, his definition of the word "Okay." has changed greatly.

Being okay now means hugging Emmie everyday even though she fights him. She's too big for hugs at seven. It saddens him how tough she's become so quickly. She's so amazingly self-reliant it frightens him.

Okay is mani-pedi Monday's with Rachel and baby Ryann. It's helping out at the shop because Finn doesn't know his ass from an alternator. It's making sure his freshman learn something before leaving him and helping Will with glee club.

It's living life and moving on. It's finding happiness without Dave and being glad for the time they had.

Emmie flounces in with the grace of a butterfly and the disposition of Ouiser Boudreaux. Emmie is no longer a morning person.

"I hate life." she tells him.

"You're seven; you haven't lived enough of it to hate it." She groans and sits down at the vanity to for him to fix her hair. She's wearing a hibiscus print tube dress the flowers multicolored over the khaki fabric. he gives himself a mental note to grab her white denim jacket before he leaves.

"What look are we going for today?"

"Fun but hippie chic." She replies

Kurt nods and sets about doing a French waterfall braid. "No falling asleep." he gives her hair a gentle tug and he grins at the dirty look she shoots him.

"I want to join the Pop Warner football team." She says apropos of nothing.

"You want to what? Why?" Kurt's all for equality but she's tiny and crushable and a girl. He tries to keep the alarm inside and not show it.

"Well I like it and I'm good, or at least that's what Gramps, Papoo, and Uncle Finn say. I'm fast."

And she was Kurt knew that it just wasn't a talent he wanted to bank her safety on.

"I'll think about it."

"That means no." She whined.

"It does not. It means exactly what I just said." He continues braiding her hair.

"You joined Glee and sang girl songs why can't I play football?" She asks

He can't come up with a plausible reason that will make sense to her. All he knows is that for some reason the thought of all the tackling scares him.

He just says "It's too early for big decisions baby, but I'll let you know before sign ups close."

-/-/-/-

He's straightening his classroom up before finishing for the day when a shadow darkens his doorway. He looks over and sees an athletic blonde man standing in the open door poised to knock on the frame.

"Can I help you?" Kurt asks eyes scanning the lithe muscled body before him. He's attractive Kurt can admit that much. He smiles and white straight teeth flash and the smile reaches his faded blue eyes.

"Are you Emily's father?" He inquires.

"Yes, is she alright?" Kurt's heart rate kicks up a little.

"Oh she's fine I'm Rider Talbot. The pop warner and PE coach." He extends his hand which Kurt shakes. He has a uniquely handsome face. All rugged planes and angles a chiseled jaw.

"Is she pushing Elodie Ben Israel down again? I told her to stop no matter how annoying the child is." Kurt inquires. Clasping his hands in front of him.

"Nothing like that, though I think the annoyance may be genetic Jacob interviewed me about pop warner for the gazette," The man grins and Kurt's pulse stutters.

"Yes well, some things they never change." Kurt says ruefully.

"I'm here to ask you to let Emmie join my team. I know you are frightened for her safety and I can't promise you she won't get hurt at some point but I can promise you I'll do everything I can to prevent it. She's talented Mr. Karofsky and she enjoys it. To be perfectly honest with you I need her on my team. I'm just vain enough to admit I really want to win. I want my kids to have fun of course but I want to win too! I believe Emily can help us with that." Rider finishes his speech.

There was a bit of a pause, Kurt can feel the other man checking him out and is surprised to find himself enjoying it.

"Well I guess we'll see you at try outs." The man smiles wider just this side of mischievous. It reminds him of Dave and he feels guilty for the simplest of flirtation.

-/-/-/-

Marina and Carole switch off every other day and watch Emmie while Kurt works. He walks up the steps of the Karofsky's Victorian era home. He opens the door and walks in without knocking. He follows the sound of Emmie's voice into the kitchen. "But Yaya I don't like math."

"You need it though sweets." She replies. Kurt enters the kitchen and sits his bag on the island where Emily has her math homework and a bowl of grapes for snack spread out. "Hey my Darling." He grins at his daughter pinching a grape from the bowl. "Rina," he says in way of greeting to Dave's Mother.

"Hey Papa. Multiplication sucks." He moves around to stand at her shoulder and look over the paper. The teacher in him taking over. "You know your Daddy liked math?" Marina says and the thought doesn't hurt. It just makes Kurt smile.

"That's right baby, a trick he taught me for calculus was to start with what I knew."

"I don't know my sevens yet it's new."

"What's two times seven?"

"Fourteen."

"Right. So seven times two is the exact same." He ate another grape.

"I get the trick now." She gives a toothy grin.

"Good. You really want to play football?" Kurt asks.

"I really really do." Her smile wides and her eyes shine with hope.

"Okay you can try out Gramps will-" the force of her hug knocked the air out of his lungs.

"Thank you Papa! Thank you so much." she hopped down.

"Where are you going? You have math too finish." He admonished halfheartedly.

"To tell Papoo. Be right back." She ran down the hall into Paul's office.

"That's a good thing you just did," Marina said.

Kurt shrugged. "If it makes her happy."

-/-/-/-/-

"Are your pads secure is everything properly protected?" Kurt asks as fiddles with her jersey proudly displaying # 76.

Emmie rolls her eyes. "Yes Papa. Anymore padding I may as well be a walking mattress." She says tone dry.

Paul and Burt walk up together.

Burt smirks "Even though you might be right don't sass your father."

"Yes sir,""

Paul walks over with Marina. He squats down to Emmie's level and helps tighten her chin strap.

"Remember to leave your mouth guard in little one. You need your teeth." Paul says slapping her shoulder pads.

"Keep your head down on tackles, Priss." Burt adds slapping her helmet playfully.

"Don't call me that." Emmie says with an eye roll and takes to the field.

"Let's go get a seat. Don't bite your nails sweetheart." Carole says moving his hand away from his mouth.

As they climb the bleachers Rider winks at Kurt. He's too nervous to give it any real thought.

He's sandwiched between Finn and Rachel.

"Kurt I love your sweater. Where'd you get it?" Marina asks.

"I made it." he's wearing a red sweater with Emily's number on the back her name is down the left sleeve and across the front is "Football Papa!"

"Yes Rina, I've become one of those parents. Would you like one?" before she can respond the game has started.

They are five minutes and four seconds into the first quarter. Emily's been tackled three times and he's chewed all the nails off his left hand. His right hand is clapped around Finn's wrist nails breaking skin.

Rachel takes pity on him and thrusts Ryann at him and says. "Here you watch my girl and I'll watch yours deal?"

Kurt consoles himself with making faces and bouncing the baby on his knees as Ryann smiles up at him. He hears Rachel squeak and his head snaps up.

He looks up as the ball spirals gracefully through the air and into Emmie's arms. She takes off and Kurt gets to his feet swinging Ryann on to his hip. "Go Em!" he shouts unsure if he's being heard or not.

They were right. She is good, fast in a graceful precise way. Determined much like Dave was once given a worthy goal.

The whole family is on their feet shouting various things as Emmie makes it to the end zone. She hikes the ball and turns to Kurt giving him a triumphant dazzling smile. It's a smile he hasn't seen in a while. A lump rises in his throat.

Rachel leans into him. "She loves it. You did a good thing letting her play. When was the last time we smiled like that? Just because we'd found joy?"

"It's been a while Rach." He replies.

At the end of the game she runs up to him sweaty and grass stained.

"Hi Papa! Did you see my touchdown?"

"Yes of course you were fabulous." He high fives her. She takes the baby from him and runs off to show Ryann to her friend on the cheer squad.

"Don't drop your cousin!" he hollers.

-/-/-/-

They are going to the car when Rider catches them. "Kurt!" Kurt turns into a solid wall of muscled chest. He looks up into Rider's smiling face. He fights off a blush knowing his daughter is watching. "Rider." he grins.

"I was glad to see you didn't drag my best fullback off the field."

"It was a struggle but I managed." He fires back only half teasing.

"I don't normally do this but would you go to dinner with me?" Rider cocks head in question.

"Well…"

-/-/-/-

"Do you like the guy?" Blaine asks sitting across from him. Perfectly coiffed and holding his Lima Bean latte aloft.

"I don't- I barely know the man Blaine."

He sees the wheels turning in his friends mind. They had remained friends though it had made Dave uncomfortable. Blaine is happy with a buyer for Macy's named Sebastian.

Kurt is glad he's maintained this friendship with Blaine and has someone who understands his life in a more personal way. Blaine sips his latte. "Is he hot?"

Kurt smiles. "God yes, it's like Jason Lewis and Charlie Hunnam had a baby and Rider's the result."

"Glad to see aren't blind as well as celibate." Blaine smirked.

Kurt threw a creamer packet at Blaine's head. "Shut up you overly gelled Pilipino elf." Kurt shoots back.

"Oh wait I forget how well you and rosy palmer get on." Blaine teases.

"Fuck you Anderson."

"We almost tried that remember? Then, suddenly…Karofsky. You and this Rider? Yes, no, maybe so?"

"Just…maybe." Kurt takes a fortifying gulp of coffee and is pulled backward through time.

-/-/-/-

Kurt lays propped on his side content to watch Dave sleep. A shaft of light just above Dave's shoulder plays host to a column of dancing dust motes and the morning light slowly eats away darkness.

"We have to talk about it you know?" Dave says without moving or opening his eyes.

"About what? Painting? I'm really starting to loathe this gray." he gestures to the slate gray army issue paint. 

Dave opens his eyes and smirks. "Baby,"

"No!" Kurt harrumphs and turns on to his stomach. "If we talk about it, it's like you're saying like it's going to happen and I just can't…our child is snoring in the next room and our life is as perfect as it's ever been. Please don't fuck with it."

Dave walked his fingers up Kurt's spine. "Kurt we aren't guaranteed shit. I love you god knows I do and it drives me bat shit insane to think of you with someone else but if the time comes…" Dave clears his throat.

"If the time comes when I'm not here to love you as you deserve to be loved. I need to know that you'll move on and be happy again. Don't wait twenty damn years like Burt and Carole either. Promise me Fancy,"

"You aren't being fair!" Kurt sniffled into his pillow. "You're making me promise something that doesn't exist no one else is you." 

Dave chuckles "Can I get that in writing." He jokes. 

Kurt shoots him a withering look. "Right, poor timing sorry babe." he wipes Kurt's tears.

"If it happens, I need that promise Kurt."

"What if I don't know how to let you go?"

"I think it might be a little like falling in love for the first time. You won't know it happened until it already has. Besides you'll have Emmie, you'll never lose me not completely."

"So I just let you go?" Kurt asks looking straight ahead at the wall.

"Yeah, eventually when you are ready." He kisses Kurt's shoulder as a cry sounds from the next room. 

Dave's eyes widen comically. "Its alive." he teases. "I'll get her." he adds getting up and moving toward the door.

"David pants are needed."

"Right." he grabs his jeans from the floor. "What would I do without you Fancy?"

"Walk around naked and permanently scar our daughters psyche obviously." Dave laughs and slips on the jeans.

"Just so you know I love you Kurt Hummel." he says and walks out.

"I love you too and its Hummel-Karofsky." he shouts back.

-/-/-/

Kurt is sitting on the stairs to the apartment watching Emmie do cartwheels when Azimio arrives. He climbs up and plants himself down on the step beside Kurt.

"Emmie told Mara somebody asked you out. Had a funky name like Slider Abbot?"

Kurt laughs. "It's Rider Talbot, and yes he asked."

"What'd you say?" Azimio asks eyebrows raising

"I haven't yet." Kurt shrugs.

"You should go, even if you don't like the guy. You should try and get back in the game. You can't live this way on pause waiting for…god I don't know Dave to be undead."

"That was cold." Kurt stares off into the middle distance.

"It's the fucking truth and I'm sorry it hurts dude but I know Dave and if he thought for one second that you'd stop living, he'd of been so pissed…it'd be like the time you washed the lucky red wings jersey times fifty."

Kurt smirked. "He didn't speak to me for two weeks. Man could he pout."

"You like the guy?" Azimio looks at his feet.

"I think so."

"Then give it a try just one date we ain't talkin' marriage. Do it. Dave's fine wherever he is, he loved you like I've never known anyone to love. He'd want it."

"Thanks Az," Kurt nods resolutely.

"Anytime Prince of all things glitter and gay." Azimio smirks.

"That one was creative I gotta say."

"Tell anyone I was nice and I'll punch you."

"Tell anyone I took your advice and I'll exchange your shampoo for pink hair dye." Kurt counters.

The next day Kurt called Rider.

-/-/-/-

The date goes well enough, conversation doesn't lag and their differences are just subtle enough to make it interesting but one thing is abundantly clear to Kurt. Rider is not Dave. He stands on the front stoop cuddled in to his trench coat.

Rider leans down and presses his lips to Kurt's. It's a simple soft lingering kiss that carries a ting of heat to it. Something inside Kurt starts to slip toward enjoyment. He backs away startled by the feeling.

Rider smirks at him. "I couldn't resist." Kurt smiles. "I don't mind a little boldness now and again."

Kurt bids Rider goodnight. Two feelings follow him into the apartment. Guilt and desire.

-/-/-/-

The next morning when he goes to pick Emmie up from her sleep over at his parents Carole corners him in the kitchen.

She slides a cup of coffee to him across the island.

"So how was the date?"

Where's my child?" Kurt sweetens his tea and tries to evade the question.

"Nah uh sweet pea answer."

Kurt sipped his coffee. "It wasn't terrible, it was nice even but, I mean I'd find something I liked and then I'd find something that I liked better about Dave. Rider's funny but Dave's wit was drier, Rider likes soccer, Dave liked hockey, Rider's gorgeous in this very polished way. I like my guys a little rough around the edges more down home. It's all so fucking petty and pointless I know that! I like the guy I do but then, is that enough?"

"And this kiss it was…lovely and for the first time in a long time I felt something more than numbness and it was so terrifying."

"It's never easy at first Kurt. You think I liked Burt right off? No, I was convinced that it'd never be enough that no one would ever fill the hole Christopher left behind, I wasn't totally wrong but I wasn't right either."

"Burt didn't fill any holes but my heart grew and I had room for him, and you. I learned to love again. It's different but no less worthy."

"I don't want to lose all those little pieces of him I carry around."

"You won't I find Christopher every time I look at Finn, when he holds Ryann or looks at Rachel like she's the reason the world spins."

"You can't find him? Look at Emmie and he'll be there." She adds.

Kurt sniffs back tears. "Thank you."

"Not a problem, Emily is upstairs with your father eating M&Ms for breakfast."

"Carole!"

"Blame you're father! He's the one who believed her breakfast of champions spiel." Kurt ran upstairs "Emmie Belle! Papa missed you." He shouted

-/-/-/-

Moving on is difficult for everyone, Kurt feels like there will always be some part of Kurt's heart that died along with Dave. He slowly and surely over time lets himself love Rider.

Aside from the occasional fit of jealousy or the none too subtle reminder that her name is Emily Karofsky-Hummel not just Hummel as Rider refers to her, Emily is fairly accepting of Rider's presence in their lives.

-/-/-/-

Rider is moving in with them a little after their first anniversary. Kurt is taking a box into the bedroom when he hears sniffles emanating from the bathroom.

He sits the box at his feet and nudges the door open. Emmie sits fully dressed in the claw foot tub, chin resting on her up drawn knees. Tears track steadily down her face and it tears at Kurt's heart.

"Em?"

"Sorry Papa, I'm fine." She says hastily wiping her tears.

"No, you aren't." Kurt kneels down next to her on the plush bath mat.

"Tell Papa what's up, please?"

"I don't want to just forget him and I feel like I am, I can't remember his voice or what his hugs feel like."

"Oh Emmie." Kurt threads his fingers comfortingly through her dark locks.

"And it makes it worse that I like Rider. We're replacing him."

Kurt closes his eyes momentarily, praying to a god he didn't believe until he'd met his child.

"We aren't ever going to forget him I swear, I won't forget and neither will you."

"How do you know?"

"Because when someone loves you like Daddy did, it lives forever it doesn't die and nothing kills it not even war. We aren't replacing him baby, we're letting someone else in and that's okay. Now close your eyes." She looked at him skeptically.

"Go on close them." He says and she complies.

"His hugs were tight and warm like being wrapped in a blanket. The kind that made groan they were so strong and heartfelt." He dials up Dave's voicemail.

"Those hugs, they were the very best and its okay to miss them." He gives her phone.

"Now just listen,"

"You have reached Staff Sargent David Karofsky-Hummel I'm unable to come to phone at the moment but leave me message and I'll get back to you. Oh and if this is my Emmie girl, Daddy loves ya Princess."

Tears track down Emmie's face and Kurt's heart is twisting up. She climbs out of the tub and into his lap without a word.

Dave's voicemail beeps into the silence.

-/-/-/-

It's a little chilly for a spring day in North Carolina. Kurt tightens his coat and folds himself to sit Indian style at the foot of David's grave.

"Hey baby," Kurt swallows and breathes deep. He can smell the freesia from two graves over. "I know I broke a promise by coming here but I really couldn't stay away. Ten years of marriage is a big deal. You're gone I know but I wanted to celebrate with you anyway." Kurt removes the tin containing the wishing rocks from their wedding day from his coat. He nestles them by the headstone.

"I went traditional with the Tin and all. Go ahead and roll your eyes where ever you are. I know you want too." Kurt sniffs back tears.

"Jesus do I miss you. Every single day. You know those stones from our wedding we had people write their hopes for us on and drop in that fountain?"

Kurt's laugh is thick and wet sounding from his tears. "The ones I made you fish out the next day, well they're in that tin. I'm giving them to you because I love Rider as completely as I ever will and I know we've only been together two years but he makes me happy. He makes Emmie happy. He makes her laugh and smile. I think I love him most for that." Kurt sighs.

"Anyway baby, it feels wrong to carry around our hopes and dreams when I'm making a life with someone else. So I'll leave them here with you for safe keeping."

"Besides, our dream? It lives and has your beautiful face." Kurt smiles sadly.

"I know you're so proud of her and see all that she does. Isn't she the smartest most beautiful thing you've ever seen? She amazes me daily." Kurt wipes his runny nose inelegantly on his sleeve.

"She wants do something special in your honor so, we're going to light these floating lanterns dad found write messages on them and send them up over the beach." Kurt titled his head in thought.

"She won't let me read her message so just if you could send her a sign that you got it." Kurt stands and kisses his fingertips and places them on the cool headstone.

"I'll be seeing you." He walks away.

-/-/-/-

They are all huddled together on the beach. Emily leaning into him and Rider's arm a comfortable weight on his shoulder. Carole is standing within the circle of his dad's arms. Finn and Rachel stand together fawning over baby Ryann who's amazed by the lantern. Azimio reaches over and ruffles Emmie's hair.

She cuts a look at him that is so very Karofskian Kurt just has to laugh.

"What?" Emmie says.

"Nothing baby, that's just a very old and well known scowl."

They watch the lantern rise higher and higher like a flying ember over the ocean.

Kurt isn't sure what anyone else wrote but Kurt has his script memorized. "I love you. I miss you. No regrets."

If Kurt closes his eyes and concentrates he can see Dave's face and hear his words. "I love you back Fancy."

Kurt opens his eyes to look skyward again. There in the inky black sky two stars shoot across the sky side by side.

"Look Emmie!" he points to the sky and the moving stars. "I think Daddy's saying hi!" Kurt smiles. He squats in the sand next to Emmie and the watch the stars until they can no longer see them.

Today, despite everything Kurt is more than okay, he's happy.


End file.
